I Don’t Have Real Faith

What is real faith? Honestly, what is it? Is it saying that we trust God and that wherever He leads we’ll follow without question, but when the time comes we find a way out? Is it seeing a decision that has to be made and just going for one hoping that it all works out? Is it going to church and all the “Christian things” that are available to you?

We all talk about having faith. We talk about believing and trusting in God no matter what that looks like or where it leads us. We talk about screaming our love for Him from the mountain tops and not caring who hears. In fact, we hope the entire world listens so that they know just how “faithful” we are. But, when push comes to shove, is this really what happens? Do we have the bold faith that we see so blatantly in the apostle Paul, or the disciples John and Peter?

If we’re all completely honest with ourselves, including myself, the answer is a resounding no.

Don’t get all defensive on me now. I know a lot of you sat there and just said, “She doesn’t know me. I would say yes to anything God asked of me.” Okay then. What if God asked you to go overseas to serve people who have never been reached before? Some of you probably still say, “Well sure!” What if God asked you to forgive that person who never deserved an apology? Some of you still say, “I could probably do that.” Well, what if God asked you to give up your best friend? What if He asked you to give up your brother? I hope that at this point, all of you are saying, “Heck no, I wouldn’t do that.” Because I did. I told God that I wouldn’t give up my brother. I couldn’t lose my best friend and live my life without him. I just couldn’t, and wouldn’t, do it. I had no faith in the plan that God had, however it might turn out.

I have wrestled with this for days now – and my brother is alive and well. He’s walking, talking, breathing all on his own and is doing a pretty good job of it. But my faith doesn’t feel as if it’s improving. Shouldn’t I feel better now?

I think the assumed answer is yes. But, I think the truth is, that until I have full faith in who God is and what He does, I’ll never feel better. Real faith is begging God to give you the faith that you need. It’s coming back to Him over and over again because you’re weak and limited. It’s having to continuously lay something at His feet because you keep picking it back up.

Real faith is a choice. It isn’t a feeling. It isn’t a natural way of living. Real, true faith is uncomfortable, extremely difficult, and is a choice that has to be made over and over again.

This weekend was spent asking God to give me the trust and faith that I need. It was spent begging that somehow through whatever happened, I would remember and believe the promises that were given to me in scripture. It was admitting that I was weak and had little faith. That I wanted to depend on my own strength and those around me to get me through this horrible situation. It was spent having the same conversations with those close to me because I needed them to remind me that God is the one I need and the one I had to be trusting in. I had to ask that if I lost my brother, I wouldn’t run away from God. That I would have faith in that plan and strive to truly believe in Him. I had to have faith that God knew what was best, even if it potentially cost me my brother.

Real faith is terrifying. But, it’s also rewarding. Through this process I have learned more than I probably even know. I have seen God move in miraculous ways. I have seen His steady grace and unshakable control. I have seen His perfect timing played out in a way that will change me forever. I have seen His unending love. I came out of this weekend with more than I came in with, in many different ways. It’s still hard. I’m still anxious and having to be constantly asking God to sustain me and help me through. But, I’m beginning to believe His promises. To truly have faith in what He does and how He does it. Real, genuine faith.

“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33