Transformation Tuesday

These last six months have been chaos to say the least. Family members in the hospital, best friends losing their parents, relationships falling out, depression creeping in, school not going as planned – and these are only the major things. But, as promised, the Lord has used each one to teach me something about Himself, myself, and our relationship (Romans 8:28), specifically humility, patience, faith, and pursuit. He’s brought transformation into my life in ways I never thought He would.

In this half of a year, I have learned what it truly means to walk with the Lord in humility. I’m not talking about simply recognizing that He is far greater than I am – though that’s definitely part of it. I’m talking about every day humility. Coming before Him in any and all situations knowing that I don’t have what it takes to fix it or make it better. I’ve learned that my words, my advice, mean absolutely nothing if they don’t reflect the word of God and the truth it provides. I am weak and unstable, at best. Humility allows me to draw my strength and steadfastness from the Lord.

I’ve learned what it means to have patience. I so badly want to do things my way. I want to take control and dictate my life in whatever way I please, whenever I please. But, I’ve been shown that God is perfect in His timing in the big things and the small things. I’m learning that patience is trust in what the Lord has in store. Believing that whatever is meant for me, will be given to me when the time is right. I’m also learning to have patience with myself and others. Sin is a constant battle that is filled with failures and low points. Patience allows me to give grace and forgiveness in those moments.

Faith has been the most difficult lesson I’ve been learning. To step out and continue down a path that I can’t even see is one of the scariest things I have to do on a regular basis. I’m learning to have confidence in the plans the Lord has for my life, even when they completely wreck my own. He will provide me with the things that I need always, my wants when they are in line with His plan and His time. Having faith that God is good and consistent is like walking on a balance beam and falling off every other step. It’s frustrating and tiring, but always so worth it when I make it just a step farther than I did the last time without falling. Faith allows me to walk the path the Lord has set before me even when I can’t see.

Learning what it means to pursue someone has been a new lesson for me. Often times, if the relationship wasn’t reciprocated, I left it alone. But, God has taught me that in biblical leadership, and our relationship, pursuit is a major factor. Loving someone who is hard to love isn’t easy and honestly, not enjoyable. It takes effort and forgiveness at levels that aren’t necessarily normal. Everything has to be one step above the norm. Pursuit is about loving someone even when they don’t want it, even when they don’t deserve it. God pursues me every single day without fail and I’m called to do the same with those I lead, fellow Christians, and Christ. Pursuit allows me to understand the unfailing love that my Father has for me.

Who I was six months ago and who I am now are not the same in many ways. God has worked majorly in my life to bring them about and it’s been some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned yet. But, He’s transformed me into someone who resembles who He is just a little bit more and that makes every step worth it.