So She Went

I don’t know what’s next.

I’m not just talking about the virus – though that in and of itself is enough to make me feel overwhelmed with anxiety. I’m talking about my life as a whole.

For a while now, I’ve felt that the Lord was asking me to go to Physician Assistant school. Everything I did seemed to point in that direction – I love medicine, I love people, and so many who know me affirmed that this would be something I would be great at. I thought that the doors were opening one by one, leading the way to this goal.

But, for the past few months, I’ve felt another pull – one that leads in a direction that seems unclear and not completely doable. One that, if I’m honest, doesn’t even really have a clear destination or end point.

The Lord has been burdening my heart for His people and wants me to tell them about who He is and what He’s done – except I don’t know where, who, how, or what that looks like.

“Am I crazy? Am I overthinking this whole thing? Does He actually want me to go to PA school and I’m just getting it all backwards? Am I supposed to move somewhere? Do I pour myself into my blog and coaching job? Where am I going with all of this? HELP!!!!!”

This is just a glimpse of the every day battle I’m facing internally. I’m exhausted, discouraged, and honestly, feeling defeated.

Yet, the Lord is gracious enough to remind me of another person who was also led in a direction he didn’t understand and had no idea what the destination was.

Abram, or as many know him, Abraham.

In my previous post, I talked about him while he was already on this journey. But that isn’t where the Lord keeps bringing me to now. He takes to the moment when He asked Abram to leave his home and everything he knew.

Genesis 12:1-2 & 4 says,

“The Lord said to Abram, ‘Go out from your land, your relatives, and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, I will bless you, I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing… So Abram went, as the Lord had told him, and Lot went with him. Abram was 75 years old when he left Haran.”

The Lord asked Abram to leave everything behind. This meant his land, his relatives, and his father’s house. Today, none that seems very significant. But, the truth is, is that these things were what their culture was built on. If you didn’t have land, you were poor. If you didn’t live with your father and near other relatives, it meant you’d been ostracized or you were an orphan. These were the most important aspects of his life and God was telling him to leave them behind.

To go where? A place He doesn’t even tell Abram about. All He says is, “I’ll show you when we get there.” Uhhh…. what? You’re not even going to tell him where he’s going??

He also makes Abram a promise. It’s one that says great nations will come from Abram. For those of you who don’t know, his wife Sari, can’t have children – she’s barren. So not only does God ask him to go somewhere he knows nothing about, He makes him a promise that seems impossible. Again, how?? Why would God do such a thing?? It seems unfair and completely unlikely.

But, what is Abram’s response?

“So Abram went…”

That’s it. No questions. No doubts. No complaints or “hold on just a second.” Abram didn’t even hesitate to obey what the Lord had asked of him. Why? Because he believed that God would do what He said He would. He believed that God was good and would provide a way for these things to happen even if he couldn’t see them himself.

As it turns out, God does bless Abram. He gives him a son. From that son, the lineage of Jesus is born. Abraham fathers nations of people – God’s people – through his faith. All because he chose to be obedient immediately instead of worrying about the logistics of it.

I’m not sure if my name will be great. I don’t know if God will make me into a great nation. But, I do know that He promises to show me the land He has for me, wherever that may be. I do know that He promises to bless me and make me a blessing to others. Whatever it is that He has in store for me, I hope that years from now others can say the same thing that scripture says of Abram.

“So she went.”