Focused Faith

2020 was a year of fear.

While that statement is true for various situations in our world, I’m talking about for me individually. In my own personal sphere, fear was the common denominator all year.

Long before the COVID pandemic even began, I was battling my own kind of disease. The symptoms included insomnia, lack of appetite, headaches, moodiness, nausea, heart palpitations, continual exhaustion, and memory loss. It didn’t seem to matter what I tried, nothing worked. I couldn’t get myself back to a normal state of functioning.

I was diagnosed officially in August with GAD – generalized anxiety disorder.

I spent the next six months taking anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications, talking with a counselor weekly, and learning how to function again in every day life. Slowly, I began to recover. Without even realizing it, I transitioned from “surviving” to “living” along the way. I am not the same person today.

Fear and anxiety ruled my life in 2020. They had complete control and dominated every single area of my life.

They had me convinced that I am not enough – in any way. I am only worthy when I am successful. I have to live up to the expectations of everyone. I am not allowed to make mistakes. I don’t deserve grace or forgiveness. I have to earn the love of those closest to me. I have to take care of everyone’s needs all the time. I have to control everything around me or it will all fall apart. No one can help me.

They say misery loves company, but I have never felt so alone.

2021 has begun and it has already disappointed us. It is already full of fear, hate, and disappointment. It’s easy to believe that maybe 2020 was just the bootcamp, not the war. When I look at the world around me I am filled with heartbreak, hopelessness, discouragement, doubt, and worst of all, fear.

But, when I look at Jesus – oh, when I look at Jesus. When I look at Him I am filled with healing, hope, courage, belief, and faith.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says,

“¹⁶ Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. ¹⁸ So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

The unseen is bigger than the seen.

Jesus is bigger than this world and all the chaos within.

Hope is eternal. Fear is temporary.

2020 was a year of fear. 2021 will be a year of focused faith.