To Die For

Yesterday, I received one of the most heart-wrenching calls of my life. As I sat in a car miles away from home in Tampa, FL I listened to my sister cry her heart out because she had gained weight. Because she felt worthless and ugly. In that moment, I was able to guide her through the bible verse 1 Peter 3:3&4. I was able to assure her that her value was so much more than any number that comes her way. But this morning, as I sat down with my bible open, journaling my prayers, I was completely broken over the situation. All I could do was cry over the grief that I felt for this beautiful teenage girl who felt that she had nothing to offer because she wasn’t the size that society told her she had to be. It forced me to look inward, to evaluate my own heart. How many times have I talked badly about myself in front of her? How many times have I been upset with how the Lord created me and complained about it? How many times have I taught her to find her identity in how her body looks? How often did I teach her that appearance was the most important thing? As I pondered these questions, my heart wrenched and I cried harder. I have been leading her down a road of comparison and heartache. I have been leading myself down a road of comparison and heartache. Seeing her distressed about what she looks like caused me to recognize the same distress in myself. These last few weeks have been especially difficult and I knew I was struggling. I believe that the Lord was using my sister to show me my own altered vision. As I set my pen down to text her, all I could do was think about how sorry I was and how to tell her. Typing out the text just caused the tears to flow harder. I have been leading her completely wrong, so I made her a promise. A promise that I need to keep for myself as well. I promised her that although I can’t be perfect, I can point her to the Savior who is. I will lead her to the cross, where our broken, beaten Savior is hanging from nails because He believes we are worthy and valuable. Because He loves us more than anything we can imagine. He didn’t think twice about our preciousness to Him when He was suffering for our sins. Because God doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t create things by accident – especially His own children. So for those of you who struggle with where your identity lies, I empathize with you and break for you. But have hope. The Lord sees you has worthy, as valuable, as irreplaceable. He loves your laugh, your goofy grin, your stubborn will, your quirks, your bright personality, and so much more. He more than loves them, He created them. He made you exactly who you are because He knew the world needed one of you. Just one. How beautiful. I ask that you make the same promise to yourself that I have made to my sister and I. That you will go to the foot of the cross and see the love the Savior has for you. Because He believes that you are to die for.